Eight Ways For Manchester United To Lose The English Premiere League.

United’s Entire Forward Line Busted For An Illegal Drug!

The Man Utd forward players are being charged with steroids, an illegal drug. The drug gives an energy boost; which allows the players to overtake their opponents easily. strikers Rooney, Ronaldo, Berbatov, Nani and Tevez will be fingerprinted while Park Ji Sung will have his ginsing tea analysed for the drug.

Owner Malcom Glazer Wiped Out By Financial Crisis!

Despite the stimulus plan by U.S. President Barrack Obama, Malcom Glazer, Man Utd’s owner, has gone broke. Man Utd will be kicked out and the points will be divided between the remaining teams.

Every centre-back injured!

Jonny Evans, United’s last centre-back, hurt himself in an accident by going head with a bar of soap. With every centre-back out, manager Alex Ferguson may consider a 10-0 line-up where everybody in his team will hog the space one meter in front of the goalie. For greater height in countering opponent’s corner kicks, Park Ji Sung will stand on Anderson’s head.

Berbatov wants to go back to Spurs!

Dimitar Berbatov, an ex- Tottenham Hotspur player, wants to go back to his team. Tottenham is planning a refund for him. His car will be waiting for him to send him to the airport.

Ronaldo instigates tunnel bust up against own teammate!

After the recent Steven Taylor incident where Ronaldo called Steven Taylor “a rubbish footballer,” Captain Gary Neville took offence to being called “a rubbish English.” However, he said it was a misunderstanding. What he meant was “my English is rubbish.”

Ashley Cole holds wild booze party, United’s English players arrested!

Chelsea player Ashley ‘Cashly’ Cole has been arrested for drunken behavior. This time, United’s English players have been arrested. Ferdinand, Rooney, Scholes, Carrick and Heagreaves were nabbed in a pre-dawn raid after neighbors complained of horrendous singing.

Alex Ferguson slips on banana peel; suffers memory loss!

The entire football world holds its breath today, waiting for Ferguson to come out of his memory loss. Earlier this week, he slipped on a banana peel in Liverpool’s Anfield stadium. No one knows how it got on the floor, although Liverpool manager Raphael Benitez was seen chomping on one minutes before.

Aliens invade Earth! All football matches cancelled!

Breaking news! Citizens of the Earth, our planet has been invaded by a horde of vicious aliens. But do not despair. Let us stop them as one planet, one people. By the way, all football matches have been cancelled. Sorry, Manchester United fans. You’ll have to wait for your trophy next year.

This article is part of the writer’s imagination and is a work of fiction. If any of the above really happens, it will be absolutely coincidental.

By Chan Hsien Rong